Dedicated to what was not
And what could be. So, dear friends, it is Alyosha Peshkov, and not at all Maxim Gorky. Here is the real name of that mother writer. Those who knew this, let them shook my head sympathetically. Those who did not know will be surprised. And if there are those who do not believe me – welcome, come to the station « Culture Park »and go a sign at the end of the hall. Everything is written there. And this, by the way, is not by chance: after all, it is at the tablet that I am now standing and from here I begin my tragic narrative.
Do you know what day today is? I am ashamed, brothers, ashamed: so I’ll remind you – today is Friday. And how much, remember? No? Well, don’t be ashamed. I don’t remember myself either. But somewhere mid-October. But all this is vanity. The main thing is that in the culture park today the last disco. The latter – and all. There will be no more discos, there will be winter. Something should happen today. Should be according to all the laws of sociology, mathematical analysis and probability theory. Therefore, our determination is extremely cocked today, the eyes are sharp and honed.
– whose « our »- you ask?
– Like, whose – I will be surprised – Sasha’s best friend is traveling with me.
: And to the curious views of readers, two pleasant young people impressively proceed to the escalator.
– in vain they painted the arch with brilliant paint – with hope I will ask Sasha.
– Yes, Sergey, in vain – with genuine politeness and courtesy, he will answer me.
It’s cold outside. It is so cold that even an innocent idea to reach the balcony seems to be a big mistake. Whether Sasha and I thought alone, or I was lonely in my comparisons – to say honestly, I don’t know. The usual step we will go to the familiar tent.
– No, my friend, « nine »I will not. The mood, you see, is not the same:
And Sasha will be happy to buy two « Bochkareva ».
The Crimean bridge meets us with joyful lights, and the mighty Peter I dries with an angry look, standing knee -deep on his bronze sailboat. We go to the Park of Culture – and I am inconceivably happy that everything is just beginning. Let the autumn puddles gap with their blackness, let the gates are inadequate: today is Friday – which means I will forget about it.
By the way, I spoke about the gates not by chance. After all, it was with them that we noticed a lonely couple drowning in the hurricane of autumn leaves. A clear and rhythmic gait that would have said a lot of a village guy, a classic pose « under the handle »- Everything said that we were on the right track. Sasha spoke:
– Girls!
The girls turned around and shot us with their frightened glances.
– Girls: E: You are walking here alone?
« I found what to ask »- I thought quietly. Judging by the expression of the faces of girls, they thought the same.
– Well, yes – they awarded us with an answer.
– Can we take a walk? No, well, if you don’t want to:
– Walk.
The beginning was laid, and therefore it became more joyful. Sighing freely and throwing a stone from my soul, I opened my mouth. And closed it. Meanwhile, Sasha continued:
– Do you work or study?
– And what?
– No, well, just interesting:
– Learning.
– And where?
This plate is familiar to everyone, and therefore leave Sasha and using the moment, we will describe our friends. Was the reader Autumn Street with its alluring lights, clumsy trees and wet roads? Saw. Wonderful. So a piece of this very dull street now walked next to us.
– How many years they were? – the reader will ask.
– I don’t know how much. Probably as much as it should be.
– And what are they dressed in?
– And it’s hard to say. But for sure, not naked:
– Sergey! – Sashin shout will suspend our thoughts. I turn to face our friends:
– Learn, then: well, how, interesting?
– Interestingly?
– Study.
They were interested in learning. They also loved to cook and loved to eat peaches. But who they did not like at all, is non -Russian. The problems of the family did not worry them, but at the station « Chkalovskaya »They were not.
– Well, I already said – it was nice to take a walk. Maybe you will see you again:
With a quick and bashful gait, we will go to another alley.
– How are they to you – Sasha will ask.
– Yes, so: – I will answer.
Here, by the way, is a disco. Right on the street, in the open air. Several figures twitched on an asphalt patch, mainly girlish. The broad -shouldered shadows stood from the edge, smoked, sipped beer and showed with all appearance that they were accidentally here. Failing autumn, cold street and unpromising, alien dance floor – all this mixed in me in an unprecedented burning mixture. She rushed throughout her soul and oozed out, forcing to turn around and go away. « nothing »- I reassured myself – « nothing, just needed time: now we’ll take a walk, get used to it and everything will be: »Sasha stood nearby and looked sadly at the dancers. I understood him well like no one else.
– What do you need? – a dear friend asked me, standing at the tent.
– Come on « nine »:
Sasha went to the window:
– Please, « nine »and « Nevskoye bright ».
– You can open it?
– Yes.
And now the yellow bitterness spreads through my stomach, delicately tapping the head. We are sitting on a bench. Now everything will work out:
And here they passed by. Clearly passed, classically.
And such adults. Exactly, adults. Probably older than us. Sasha got up and looked at me:
– Sam Site, Illevna Oklock! He said, imitating a virtual pilot from a computer game.
– Targit in Range! – I answered with an unleashed American simplicity, already likening to the navigator.
This time it was my turn to perform.
– Hello!
Two contemptuous glances slipped through our jackets.
– Hello!
– Can we take a walk? And then we are bored alone:
– A: Well, try.
Two round moons with painted lips and drowning in black carcass with empty eyes looked at us.
– And where are your girls? – they asked, fighting us with their whistling simplicity.
– Some walk:
– And you are always alone?
Did the reader see people who would always walk alone? I think I haven’t seen. However, this question was asked without any hint of jokes or irony.
– No: that is, well, in general:
I have not yet finished my bottle and of course, I felt exactly. However, starting a little conversation, I found myself deadly drunk. Whether there was a beer, or something else, I know. I fell silent.
Last -faced nymphs sucked cigarettes with a look and Sashin boredly supported the story of how he was resting at sea.
– Were your friends beautiful? – the reader will ask.
– Undoubtedly!
“But why are you bored and him, Seryozha?
– How would you tell you, friends: I just didn’t see myself next to them. With all my guts, I could not feel at least a thread that would connect us.
– How do you like? – after ten minutes Sasha asked.
– Nothing, beautiful:
We went to the dance floor again.
And again multi -colored lights slipped through the black shadows of clothes. The bright heap of those who dared to go to the dance floor was again flashed and moved over.
– How do you like those in red? – Tight my sleeve Sasha.
– Which?
– Yes, there: where are you blowing!
– One of which with blond hair, or something?
– Well, yes!
– Hm:
Here, in theory, I should say something. Say sharp, energetic, and then stand and sparkle with your eyes. And that must be my every muscle.
– Forward – I mentally told myself and sharply raised my head. An unprecedented attack of nausea immediately cut off my breath. The softened head was spinning, the trees sailed:
-Why would it, because only a couple of bottles:-However, this thought did not hurt me and disappeared quickly somewhere.
And here in front of me is the street. Ordinary street with ordinary houses. There are hundreds in Moscow. But this is exactly that street. The one that, judging by a lot, I will remember for a very long time. Trees, stalls, passers -by – everything is as usual. But a strange, sweet and at the same time pulling a feeling every time pulls out this picture out. And then the asphalt emerges, smells arise and interfere. Here the body pierces the shadow of that fright and embarrassment, the desire to look at the feet. But the incomparable feeling of your amazingly tender hand, clamped in my palm. Unusual, to fear pleasant sensation.
– Sergey! – What are you: Sergey!
I will shake my head and mumble:
– Went!
Turning to the beat of the rhythm, we will approach them. Come up, stand next and start dancing. In addition to light hair and red jacket, I saw jeans. It seems green. I didn’t know why I didn’t even look at the dancing friends. Either out of indifference, or with anger. And maybe I trusted Sasha.
With a bottle in your hand, dancing is more correct and more pleasant. Monotonous hphs crumbling from speakers, and envelop my consciousness.
– Sergey, you saw? – Sasha clung to my ear.
– What?
– Well, how did she look at you!
« which, one wonders, look at me? Suppose, I came to dance here, and not to stare around ». It usually takes no more than a second to suppress this thought. But this time something happened.
– Be back soon. – I threw back an empty bottle and went to the stall.
As a child, I loved a book about Winnie the Pooh. And every time he almost cried, having read it to the end again and realizing that I would not read anything like this anymore. Once on the mezzanine, I came across a bear cub, exactly like that, from a fairy tale! Memory, longing and some duty obliged me to play with him, although it was completely uninteresting to me. But I wanted to stretch the fairy tale by any means, and the understanding of such impossibility was given to me especially hard.
I was with her yesterday. The one that I remembered a few minutes ago. Sat in the kitchen, drank tea, looked out the window. And she sat opposite. Laughed, straightened her hair and said something. I tried to guess the familiar features in her, hear the same phrases, catch the look that excited me so much then. But everything was completely usually and completely unfamiliar. Only once, having heard the secret phrase « do not pretend to be a hose », I smiled.
Here is the stall. Here they sell at a fabulous price nasty barbecue, warmed up in the microwave. However, the queue is decent. I will get to the end. Cluttered tables, broken bottles on the asphalt: and look, look, behind those bushes, it seems, they are still pouring! And then I will remember our bar. With beautiful ship races, slings. A real helm hangs at the entrance, on the wall-a terrible bayonet of some outlandish fish. And even a miserable strokeblevka gives a firm reason for going to this glorious place:
– Young man that you?
– two « nine ».So excellent! But where to sit down? A drunken peasant sits at the left on the table, and interfering with his mustache with pieces of bread, something cooled by the crooked-eyed girl. No, I won’t go to them. And there, a little at a distance, some kind of company. They drink vodka and shine with a barbecue. Yes: where:
And then my gaze fell a little to the right. Four girls sat at the table and drank beer. If there were two of them there, or, at worst, three, I might not pay attention. But there were four of them. And they sat alone. I have not seen more glaring arrogance for a long time. Challenge to the whole male family! The impudent glove was abandoned, and therefore I boldly walked to the table.
– Hello!
Satisfied and joyful hum, which sounded in response, suggested that I chose the right path. I smiled:
– You will not mind if I compose you the company?
White -toothed smiles fell on me from all sides.
– So, come with your chair?
The lingering laughter was diluted with the phrase of one of the friends:
– Yes! And with their slippers!
Hmm: what am I about the chair? It’s even strange somehow turned out.
A minute later, the chair was pushed into the hospitably formed bed. I looked around the company, and not noting anything, asked:
– How are we resting, therefore?
– Young man, and you are not a poet?
The beginning was supposed to be quite familiar. What will happen next, I approached. And therefore he drank half the bottle in one gulp.
– No, I’m not a poet.
– Wait, maybe we will meet? – a brisk voice of one of them sang.
– Maybe. Seryozha.
From all sides I was immediately thrown by names. I sipped beer and began to tell a joke.
The twitching laughter twisted the girl’s bodies in ambiguous poses and brushed an empty bottle from the table. My shoulder and right leg felt someone’s careful grip. We must pay attention.
Sasha was hooked. A master’s gaze, he cast our refuge, smiled pretty and also said something funny.
The second salvo laughter was much bolder. The unfamiliar fingers slipped through my chin with a deft and skillful movement. Lefting the hair on the sweater, the head lay on the shoulder. Neighbor: I wonder how she looks? I should contact her. That’s just how to call her? Okay, I will listen to what others call her.
Vigorously waving his arms, Sasha said something. With a full understanding of eyes and their heads, they listened to him. A drunken forest stood behind the Ferris wheel, a pile of leaves fled with a gray shadow:
-: Yes, it is with a skillful movement. So, your bra will unfasten, and nothing will interfere with my hands:
I will shake my head. Oh my God! What vulgarity I carry! And it looks like she is listening to me carefully! And what is this a strange feeling: so I thought! My foot was clearly not enough for her. And the conquest of heights went very successfully. No, perhaps, after all, it is worth looking at her.
I turn my eyes and immediately encounter her vulgar honey gaze, from which my gaze will again move to the bottle. However, he also noted something. Was the reader the Anti -Management buffers of the VL80 electric locomotive? So, the charms of no less than the size of its jacket were burdened and obscured everything else.
– Seryozha, you say so beautifully! But you know, I’m more practices than the theoretician. Do you want you and I will take a walk now:
– Cool. – I said and sipped beer.
Stop! The last time I applied to the bottle, there was clearly smaller beer! It cannot be that it grows! Or: oh yes, I’m finishing the second.
Sasha, meanwhile, entered ecstasy:
– That is why in the picture of Picasso the girl looks complete! Ira, come here!
My neighbor got up and went up to him.
– Now stand up and go for the leg.
Bended.
– You see, the tummy drops a little!
However, no one appreciated Sashin’s discovery. Flash music began to play, and my Fury began to dance. The dance cargo soon transferred her behind my back, and after a moment, those unthinkable charms were overlapped on my cheeks and sank to the shoulders.
– I will come soon. – I got up and went to the river. I wonder how they looked after me?
Moscow-River: Black Proportion, completely indifferent to me. But I will not look at your opposite shore, which is in such treacherous proximity. Let there be only my dusty sneakers, a couple of cigarette butts next to them and water. And when I raise my eyes, I will not see granite shores anymore. The sky will cover me with a black dome, brightly shining with stars. And on the horizon it will almost imperceptibly merge with the same Black Sea. During the day it was light and simple. Caution spans screeching, howling water motorcycles howled. But is this a sea? Here it is, the real sea! Just now!
My sneakers will drown in delicate and affectionate sand.
– Seryozha, you see a light? – You will ask me and tickle me in the palm of your hand.
– I see. – I will answer and smile.
You are very beautiful. Directly like this shore, all the sea: hair, shoulders, legs: and without a shadow of inconvenience, I will admire you. Without a shadow of lust, envy: nothing in the world will make me look away!
You have a light dress and my jacket. In the hands of shoes. You look a little sadly into the black abyss.
– Seryozha, what if my dad is there?
– May be.
– Dad: Suddenly it’s you?
I will say anything.
– Swim here, I’m here!
You will wave your hand and hug me. Shore, sea, noise of the surf and your eyes – which could be more beautiful?
– Sergey, you will be a bun?
The shore dressed in vulgar granite. Soft sand disappeared, exposing wet asphalt, cigarette butts and an added empty bottle. The noise of the sea grew into wild jumps in the temples, which were treacherously given in the stomach. I grabbed the air with my mouth and tried to take a deep breath.
– You will be a bun?
– And where are these blondes?
In response, Sasha waves his hand sluggishly:
– How many blondes were, Sergey?
– One.
I’ll close my eyes. But let me go where it is my hand? Sasha, what’s wrong with you?
– Sergey, come on faster! Such! Such! Eh:
I dutifully fall out, contracting with the whole body and grabbing the air with my mouth. Let the trees are so strange, air. Let nothing of the Crimean bridge be visible: let: I will go!
– Girls, you can ask you one question?
Judging by a lot, Sasha was in the mood. They turned around. Turned around, looked at us.
– How they turned around? As you watched? And in general, what were? – I already hear questions.
– No, friends, I don’t know. – I say. I was too indifferent to them are those minutes. I definitely noticed that one of them was with a bag.
– This is Sergey. – It turns out we already presented ourselves.
I nodded my head.
– And what is your question? They asked.
– Well: you just can’t ask him so. You need to prepare – Sasha zealous.
However, my thoughts hung a little to the side. Nausea, headache: to all this, another low -ended feeling was added.
Slipping on the steep steps and wiping my hand on the tile, right from the toilet I went to the stall:
Returning to my friends, I saw the following: one of the friends stupidly looked at the river. The other, the one with a bag, sat on Sasha on her knees and hugged him.
– For a long time I went for beer – flashed through my head.
I got to them on a bench.
– You know, I never get on a bus with a number, the sum of the digits of which is fourteen. – mysterious.
Struck by this mystery and unknown, my friend sat as if chilling. Intrigued and interested, he listened with great rapture into every word of her. I looked at the asphalt and grinned. To yourself, of course. My friend was sober, divided and understood. And therefore must be happy. How much was it, or small;whether or not at all – I did not know. And therefore, only with respectful and worthy eyes, he spent those who found each other.
The trouble, meanwhile, was brewing. Too much bitterness was adopted today by my frozen body. I walked and eagerly grabbed the air, although I already felt shameful inevitability. The denouement came at the peak of the Crimean bridge. I cling to the railing and looked at the river. A slight dizziness that arose at the same time will put a fatal stroke on my mind:
Oh, serious and busy passers -by, go around me with a delicate side! Oh, my friend, timidly and unnaturally closing his hands at someone else’s waist, do not look at me at all! Correct your girlfriend and familiar gesture clearly kiss her with the right word. A dirty and vulgar river, accept from me what you deserve in full:
Tested, tormented and devastated, I am a step on the ribbed step of the escalator. A hospitable car with the letter « m »In the forehead meads meekly pick up my body. And only the measured knock of the wheels will make me console and doze off. So it happened among Muscovites – the metro: it is from him that everything always begins. It ends with them. There was a lot of time, and therefore it was almost empty. On the contrary, Sasha was sitting and hugged his girlfriend. And I looked out the window at the run -out corrugated wall. I looked-and really wanted to think about something. But there were no thoughts.
– What next? – you ask.
– What’s next? Winter will be further. What else? Snow will go, snowdrifts will grow. Although now it is so difficult to imagine, looking at the black asphalt with the holes of the puddle. Otherwise, everything will be the same. The same lights, the same houses and the same streets. The city is large, and not everywhere there is a place for cultural parks. Not everywhere there is a place for aspirations, hopes and exploits. A flat and calm street, on which you do not have to break into pieces, do not run, do not think frantically, you will always be able to meet me behind the stairs of the underpass. And she is not afraid of winter. I know this, and therefore, no matter what, I can always smile and say: « I love you !»
February 27, 2001.
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