The night comes again, and again thoughts about you … My love is proportional to my hatred for you.. On the one hand, I want to forget about you forever, and on the other, I understand that this is not possible.. After all around everything reminds you of you.. Even this is a room in which I sleep..Every time I go to sleep or just go into this room, it is difficult for me to breathe, a lump in my throat comes … The pain covers me and hatred takes possession of me … Anger destroys me … Because I understand that I am helpless ..
during the day I dress the mask and show how strong I am.. And the fact that everything is already behind … you are in the past and there is no thought about you … But who am I deceiving, because the night comes and I feel my worthlessness..my weakness … I want to scream from powerlessness ..
After all, in this room you and I met a flowering ..Let you be far away and it was only by phone, but we lived the day when I arrive and we will meet again … Many plans..Let naive..Let us not always believe in them, but we dreamed … In this room where our whole life passed before our eyes … where did you make promises where you swore that you would always be near … and what now?
Now all this is not … you are not … There are only words that spin in my head about which I cannot get rid of … I remember every word of your word.. And this is even more painful … But what the words literally reminds me of you.. I can’t even watch in the mirror because I see you in my reflection … If I could only tell me how painful … I was hurt but without you even more painful and understanding that you are now happy with another … and without me it just kills me… the heart is doused with blood ..
You know, I can’t even love that anymore now … I can’t trust anyone else.. open.. You were the only one to whom I all opened without any pretense.. I don’t remember how I fell in love with you and at what moment, but I know for sure how I never loved anyone … and that since that? I would give everything for you.. life.. I would sell my soul to the devil ..
If only you knew whether you loved me? I used to think how happy I am, because my love is mutual … But after our last two meetings, I am no longer sure of anything.. Apparently one loves so, and the other only allows you to love myself … how blind I was … but now my eyes opened..The clouds scattered all as in a clear sky..
You know you turned me into a soulless creature who is now alien to all these feelings.. turned into a player..Film life and I am an actress … Life is a game and I am a player … I want to play with everyone that game you taught me … Game in love..In reality … I know cruelly, but dear, because you taught me this … How did you swear to me..that I am your only goal of your only meaning of existence … your support..light at the end of the tunnel … that I am all yours and that no one will ever change this … why? Why did you lie to me? Why promised that you will always be nearby?…Why did you give me hope?…Why made me believe that I can fly ..
But I believed … flew and eventually broke into small, small pieces.. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you … But now I know one thing I hate you … with all my body cells.. In every Vienna, even in small capillaries, hatred for you flows … maybe it will pass over time … I know I can’t wait for the moment when when you meet you, I understand that I will absolutely indifferently.. The heart will knock indifferently … and I understand everything went..Everything is behind..You are behind … I know the moment will come when you understand that you made a mistake … I’m sure of it..
At one point you just understand..Let not today..Let it not tomorrow but it will be.. You will regret the deed … And after you cannot live happy.. Every day, every night you will think about it.. and then you yourself will look for a meeting with me … and I will tell you one thing.. We will meet … in your eyes there will be a regret.. Understanding that love was and you are stupid that you did not see … but there will be disappointment to meet in my eyes indifference and emptiness towards you … I will just smile coldly … I promise you to you!!!!
I don’t know maybe you are not to blame, maybe this act you just wanted to help me forget you..But this is too cruel even for you … You know just a shame that I suffer because of the person who is not worth it..I could wish you happiness and a lot of things but why pretense??? I don’t want to sink to your level ..
Although you taught me a lot … cunning … incredulity … You said that you do not care..that people deserve this … such an attitude..that all two -faced and do not trust everyone..Then I argued with you said that in a person you always need to look for something good something bright..After all, the coin has two sides … But unfortunately you were right, but you only forgot to warn that you are also in their number ..
On the day of our last meeting, you were so disgusting that I wanted to run away to disappear to evaporate … not to see you … But now I want to ever meet and I saw how unhappy you.. He will see sadness in your eyes and longing for me on those days and nights that we had … this is the only thing I want … …!!!!!!! May God forgive me!!!!!!!!
I’m just lost now..I am crowded with the outside and empty inside … the body without a soul … an empty look of an indifferent look … to everything..A meaningless day is a meaningless night … And life is meaningless … And only the dream of that day when I forget everything ..!!! I ask everything … and I’ll start life from scratch..
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