Part 1.
Masha looks at me and angrily interferes with sugar already in cooled tea. I know what she will ask, I’m ready. What I did is like the act of the fool, well, or worse.
– This is true? You live by the lamp?
I lower my eyes.. I always do this when I get into an awkward situation, I hate this gesture, which has become a habit. I answer quietly:
– Yes.
How it all started.
Fucked alarm clock. Hate him. Well, who came up with a pair to get up so early? Let me and a lamp that is possible, but punctuality is my chip. Gabrielle wants to eat and gnaws my slippers . Oh yes, Gabriel is my cat. The only creature that I trust and which will receive right now if it does not stop .
– Gabi, you are a small asshole.
I’m going to the kitchen. Coffee, sandwich, as usual. The kitchen meets me with the usual cleanliness and expensive setting. The whole apartment is spoiled by European -time repair, chic furniture and generally equipped with taste. Thanks to my mother, who is successfully spinning in the world of business, I have everything that allows you to feel wealthy.
I park, I go out, my,… No, not friends. I do not have them. They are just familiar with whom I hang out and all.
– Lamp, we are already arguing where we take a walk. Zhenya, daring and arrogant, loves to take the initiative.
– In our favorite place, at 11 hours we will go.
Why is my name a lamp? Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe because I am a short -haired blonde for almost a boy. Nevertheless, this is my nickname and it is already my native.
Well, here’s a call. Strange, Kat is not yet. I probably haven’t woken up from the body. Kat and I are two forces that rule this university, everyone knows about it and silent. And we are forever on different shores. It didn’t reach the fight yet, but I would like to spoil her red hair.
A bunch of new faces enters. I’m trying to understand who these small morons are. Noisy and confusedly choose places. In a couple of seconds come again. Hmm, they are all new? Zhenya looks with contempt and grin. I am calm and appreciating. I already wanted to bury the iPhone, as a couple of girls went again. All seem the same, except for one. Black, with long hair and cute face. Hmm, it stands out immediately. Sits at the second desk. I won’t be surprised if she is a hop. I feel people at once.
And here Kat. As always, with your squad. She, too, was introduced by new fellow students, but behaves like a queen. For a moment I lost sight of this girl, but no here she is. Just went away to chat with someone, smiles. I wonder who she is in the nation.
– Today I want to tell you the news, the start of the teacher in mathematics. Since there have been changes in the curriculum, mathematics and sociology will take place at the 3rd year with 1m. I ask without conflicts and croiling. All clear?
Now everything is clear. Pervaki still do not understand who deal. Smile.
-Sveta, first of all, this applies to you.
Well, here again I am attention, ha ha
I raise my eyes I say quietly and with pressure, getting up from my desk.
-Elena Igorevna, what are you, I don’t offend the little ones.
Laughter and whistle, my jokes are always better than stupid phrases Kat. True, Pervaki is not in the subject, some looked at me in fright.
The couple goes unusual, and for some reason I am annoyed. Pervaki make noise and stay together as if they were in war. Kat came up to me, well, well.
– Whom I chose, light bulb?
– What are you talking about?
I don’t understand the truth what she is knitting about, I drink compote and look around .
– I’m tired of my sixes and I want new things, I look closely at the first
– They are stupid, I’m sure
Smiles and departs, cheers.
Finally I’m at home, dumb day. I hope the evening will not let you down
I’m going by taxi to the club. I drink, a glass and still laugh, I like my company, music and crazy on the dance floor. Zhenya says something and laughs, I pretend that I hear them. Everything is as usual, I drink more, lean back in a soft back. That girl is before my eyes . Interesting she goes to such places? Laughing. Zhenya went to dance .Sasha screams in his ear: maybe enough? I look at him with reproach, he waved his hand.
I’m not a drunk, but I can drink. I’m happy and everything is fine with me.
Choice
Marie, stop reading! – The stepfather shouts again . -go to the shop!
I close the textbook, wipe my tears…How tired. I am not a servant for him and is not obliged to do anything. But if I disobey, it will be worse . I put on sneakers, sticks me money . I go to the headphones, inhale the autumn air and madly want not to return home. The store is nearby and I’m not happy about it.
On the way back I call Masha and agree on a walk in the evening. She is my close friend and knows everything. except one. This is my secret and only mine, I do not want to see pity in the eyes of people.
I always have fun with Masha and at home I already calmly do lessons without thinking about my problems. Tomorrow to study, Monday is a hard day, but as it turns out, it will be the most disgusting Monday.
I go along the corridor, the library is good and I took all the books but it’s hard to drag, a couple in my hands.
A group of girls from the 3rd courses are coming towards, one of them like Kat, as far as I heard. No, just not that. Stops, looks at me, does not allow to pass. What does she need?
– Let me go through.
– PFF, how cultural we are. Grins, looks with anger and mockery.
Well, if so, then go.
Steps aside
I take a step forward and already calm down how she puts the bandwagon and I fall. For what ?
I hear laughter, I rise. Her friends are the same, kick books and leave . They look at us and I am uncomfortable and disgusted. I rise, leave books on the floor and run to the toilet.
I do not cry, but I want to be a little here to cool. Why is I so lucky? Home stepfather is an asshole, there were also offenders here. Okay, that’s enough, it is a couple.
I sit down at the desk, I do not look at anyone. I know that rumors have already passed. Lena asks:
– This cat is such a bitch, it’s better not to come across her, they tell such stories about her, so you are still lucky.
I don’t care, I don’t answer anything. Pain and shame lurked in my soul for not taking revenge.
I love mathematics. I raise my hand, go to the board, I like to show that I am smart and rummage in these equations and generally.
-Cold, sit down.
At least something pleasant for the whole day. But it was not long. At a break, some girl came up to me from their course and said with anxiously:
– I would not advise you to be clever . Hunting will soon begin for you, Kat and the lamp forced to make lessons for them, so think about the oldest time to raise your hand next time .
I don’t understand anything. It’s like a mafia? Kat and lamp.. And who is this lamp? And why will I again have something to someone.
I was a little late in the dining room, I sit down and calmly want to eat. I see how Kat is quite communicating with his shakings and laughs, squints at me and looks brazenly. I hate her, I want to take revenge. Everyone is afraid of her, but I’m not afraid. I have nothing to lose. I look at my juice, I think. I am making a choice in favor of my pride. In favor of my offended dignity. I made a choice.
Fracture
Kat is completely awesome. What she did is too vile. They told me everything. The poor girl cannot even eat, stared at her juice and does not move. And why do I feel sorry for her? So, stop. What is she doing? As in a slowed off, gets up, approaches Kat.. She went to Kat.. She is dressed simply, in bright jeans, a blue sweater . Smiles, squeezes a glass in thin fingers. Kat looks perplexedly from the bottom. Op..Well this is bold. Pours juice on Kat’s head. Ahah. I blink, maybe I have a glitch? You need to drink less, light. No, this is not a glitch
– You..You.. You don’t live! Kat is furious, I’m in shock, the girl is delighted.
Kat over the ears in the liquid. Well, I have to finish this show. I smile, I stare at this cute girl without a stick and start to clap. My rhythm is picked up and we clap it together. She did not expect, looks at me, scared a little, but she is happy.
Kat runs off the table, her gang behind her.
I understand that now Kat will beat her. I’m serious. Her act looks bold, but also stupid at the same time. She is in trouble. The only one who can save her is me. But I don’t want to intervene. Everyone should get out of shit, into which he himself got. But I still want to play Kat.
Friday, end of the week . I barely sit out a couple, I’m going to smoke to the toilet . Well, yes. I’m on time
Kat caught her victim . Pressed her against the wall and something tells her holding her by the chin. The girl looks brown eyes scared and with pain.
-You pi…c, I open all the curls to you! Raises the voice, I am in the shadow.
– You think someone will save you? Get to know the toilet, sucker.
He takes her hand and wants to drag her into the booth. Everything, my way out.
– Kat, you forgot your place? I light up and brazenly stare at both.
– Lamp, don’t interfere.
The girl began to cough. Tobacco or nerves reaction?
– Let her go. I say quietly, this same looks at me without understanding anything.
Kat is furious, he will not look at his former victim and leaves, slamming the door loudly.
Simple scene…Silent and I am silent.
– What is your name? Yes Sveta, the original start of the conversation.
– Marie, answers quietly and trembles.
I saved her Sednya, but what’s next? My thoughts were interrupted by a weak voice:
– Thank you, lamp.
My name in her voice acting sounds new, I would say with some kind of highlight. I like. Marie looks at me with gratitude, realizing that her skin remained clean because. For some reason I had some kind of responsibility for her. I don’t understand why, I drive these thoughts, I light it again. Marie still stands still, she has a shock. The bell solves this delusional situation, I go out the first and go to the office.
Treaty.
I’m lying on Masha’s knees. I try to calm down and not think about Kat or about the lamp. They are both dangerous. A friend condemns me for the juice, but I did everything right. But why did the lamp save me? Maybe she promises some benefit?
Masha I know 9 years and I have no one closer to her. She would never offend me and I trust her, but now I can’t tell her about my fears. I pretend that everything is fine
– Marie, I’m worried about you…It fits my hair, a slight massage of my head and it really easier for me
– Everything is fine.. I cover my eyes, try to relax. There is some kind of series on TV
But I need to return home. Don’t want. The stepfather is probably drunk.
Someone is lucky in this life, but someone is not. I apparently not. I would like a friendly family, sister or brother, dinner under funny conversations.But in reality I have aunt instead of my mother and her husband, whom I call a stepfather. If not for that accident, everything would be different. Aunt never stands up for me, I am alien to them, but since they are guardians and Masha Dad is a policeman, they fulfill their duty.
Today is Tuesday, a difficult test and generally hard day. Everyone handed over the sheets and hurry to eat. I was also hungry, I put the tray on the table and I understand that I forgot coffee. I go back, the line is large, I squeeze barely barely, take coffee and turn around to go to the table, when I suddenly stumble upon ..On the lamp! Someone pushed me, and I spill coffee on a lamp shirt..This is a pipets. This is all.. I am so ashamed that I can’t come to my senses.
They look at us with interest. I stand like an idol, the lamp stared at me with a burning gaze, her white shirt is no longer quite white. I understand that now she screams at me or even can drag around a corner. Rave.
-You will end, someone’s voice from the crowd, I myself know this pancake.
– You even know how much this shirt is worth? The lamp finally spoke, I don’t know what to answer.
– I can wash..,Imagine how sorry I look from the outside.
The lamp changes in the face, for some reason anger passes..Smiles? I don’t understand her.
– No, perhaps I have another proposal. Let’s talk after couples. Leaving, leaving me with an open mouth.
I am sitting in mathematics, nervously fingering a pen. What came to mind a lamp? What will she tell me? Scary and interesting at the same time. She managed to change clothes and sits calmly as if there was nothing.
As soon as I managed to leave the room, she’s right there.
– Let’s talk. Goes forward, I’m behind her. Opens the door of the car. Okay, I will not take it to the forest to divide. I sit down and swallow, a lump in the throat is unbearable. The lamp smokes, it is calm. He looks forward and finally says:
– Marie, you stained my shirt. But now it’s not about that. Kat will not leave you alone, I know for sure. But you can get rid of her. I offer you an agreement. I protect you from her, in return you help me with study . What do you say?
– Um..I think I’m trying to understand what to do, I did not expect such a turn of events – I agree. Kat protection I need
– Great. If it is convenient for you, right now we will go to me, and work out a couple of hours
– Fine
– You are always so obedient? – The lamp smiles and looks with interest. I involuntarily embarrassed and mumble something in response. She starts the car, I fasten up and we are leaving .
Opening
I’m just amazed with this girl. She is not afraid of me, you never know where I am taking her. We are silent and it infuriates me. I would ask at least how I am doing. But apparently her brains are enough for the following:
– Sorry again behind the shirt, I accidentally
Hmm, Sveta, she is just an angel. I make a serious face, I just throw it:
– Do not mind it
Silence again, out of the corner of my eye I watch her. Cheap jacket, jeans too, sits fingers fingers, apparently worried..I smile, I remember how she looked at me when she poured coffee, she looked like a kitten who was tasted
– What? Did she really give a voice
– I’m sorry, what?
– You probably laughed at me right now?
Ah here he is. I noticed how I react to my thoughts, commendable
– Yes, you made many people laugh today
I grin, I want to get it a little of it. It seems to be a little angry
– It seems to me that many thought that you would kill me on the spot.
Opa, it’s already interesting. She wants to know why I regretted her?
– You didn’t think so?
– I thought. But for some reason I was sure that you would not harm me.
No need. She is overcurrent of the stick. I am a monster and I will always be.
– You don’t know me at all, Marie.
Silent, I think the conversation is complete.
Clicks, I open the door and try not to give out my excitement. I didn’t invite anyone to myself, even those with whom I hang out. Marie the First to cross the threshold of my apartment.
I stand, leaning against the wall and watch her with a slight smile.
Looks around, surprises, apparently she sees such an interior for the first time.
– Like?
– Yes,- laconic, well, I don’t care
After a couple of minutes, we are already sitting at the table in one of the rooms and I try to listen to her as carefully as possible. Until Gabriel distract us, knocking on the parquet paws.
-Gabi, my good, I raise the cat, I squeeze it, I notice the sparkle in the eyes of Marie
-Wow, how cool he is, I love cats.
I give her a cat, she gently hugs him and strokes him, admires him. All her face expresses tenderness and love for my pet. At this moment they are both so cute that I can not forbid myself to admire. I note another fact that I am calm with this girl and she does not carry negative. I thought such people have already died out as dinosaurs.
Patron
Interesting, Kat doesn’t even look at me. Really Sveta talked to her? If so, then I was very lucky because Kat can really offend me and I am pleased that I am under protection. And here the light came. I call her just like that, not a lamp. I don’t like it when people have nicknames. I have been helping her with lessons for a week and she really began to improve the assessment
– Lamp, we can at least breathe then in her direction? – Kat with irony is worth leaning on the desk, while not paying attention to her lays out his notebooks
– And you are apparently not indifferent to her?,- the lamp is rudely answered, now it is the lamp.
I am somehow uncomfortable, but at the same time pleasant.
Kat is angry, the lamp is also, and all because of me. It’s good that the teacher on sociology has come.
– Today is our topic about the behavior of the crowd in a critical situation. Sveta, your opinion on this subject?
Light is old, maybe that’s why it is twitched?
– The crowd acts unconsciously, according to instincts, for example, in case of fire, everyone thinks about surviving, everyone for himself.
-I do not quite agree, because many save others in such a situation. – Kat always contradicts her and so on almost every pair,
– Katya, you would definitely not have rushed after someone.
I love when the lamp answers her like that, I smile .
– And I do not regret people like you .
Kat wants to win, but I felt uneasy, I do not want to be spared, even light.
– So, solve personal problems in your free time please, and now write down the headline.
Lump in the throat, I thought that light just needed my help. I do not want to think about it, I catch Sveta’s gaze, she is not in the spirit.
In the evening, explaining to her the next topic I dare to ask all the same:
– Why Kat is so rascent?
Sveta sighs and slowly explains:
– It’s not about you, but her desire to be the main. You had to get into her paws, and I prevented her.
– Why am I to her?
Sveta smiles and looks like a dumbass.
– Such girls as you better not know.
Shit and want to close the topic. But Sveta says that he dramatically raises her before my eyes.
– In general, listen to me. While you are under my wing, you are safe. Kat will not touch you, and others too. I respect the people with whom I have some things, and always fulfill my promises. And if someone offends you, then tell me and that’s it.
I don’t know what to answer and stupidly say
– Fine
Sveta smiles, I, too, Gabriel sits on my knees and soothes with his purring.
But this evening will become terrible as soon as I come home.
He is drunk again.. I quietly want to go into the room and close, but he pulls the door and comes to me.
– Go buy me beer and quickly.
I’m over it.
– No, go for your beer yourself, and I want to sleep, I scream at it as louder as possible
He takes a step, his eyes are bulging, angry and terrible to horror. Waving, a strong blow and I fall to the floor. I can’t restrain tears, I lie and cry stupidly, I hear how he leaves the apartment.
I’m running to the bathroom, I look in the mirror. Oh no not this. Bruise on the left cheek, he will pass for a long time. I cry again, I call Masha:
– Mash, I can’t do it anymore, I go down on the bed, I give myself the right to come in plenty. Why is it all I am?
Cold dish
Today, Marie is quiet in pairs and is not torn to the board, I don’t think that it has not prepared. Have not had enough sleep? Although I generally think, this is her business and her life
– Marie, what is cognitive psychology?
Right now it will answer as usual, with brilliance
– I don’t know.
Op. It’s not funny anymore. She always prepare for lessons. And she helped me a lot, otherwise I would have backward .
We are going to me, in the car quietly, and in order to somehow remove the tension, I still ask:
– I didn’t think that you might not make lessons
Silent.
-Marie? She was deafened, apparently.
– I’m just earned in a cafe and I had no time yesterday
– Waiter?
– Yes
She also makes money herself. Her parents do not provide her?
She has already explained the rules of modeling for half an hour to me, but I am not listening, because I feel that something is wrong. Cornses hair by the ears, but only the right side, lowering his head to the left . She has beautiful eyes, but today they are filled with some kind of fatigue and pain. Looks at me, waiting.
– Sveta, you don’t listen to me. With resentment and slightly again straightens the ears of hair. Then it finally dawned on me.
– No need..wants to push my hand away, but I sharply clean the strand and…I will kill Kat. The bruise flaunts, I squeeze my teeth, exhale, try not to yell obscenities. No one dares to touch her while I protect her. I promised. How can you offend her at all? Marie looks at me, lowering her eyes, as if to blame for something.
– This is not Kat.
Stop. Not Kat. And who then?
– You have a jealous guy?! I am angry, nerves to the limit, but at the same time pity for it crept up.
– It doesn’t matter, I’ll figure it out myself, I don’t have a guy.
Oops, well, of course. I lean closer to her, I look and I say quietly.
– Tell me who did it. You and I agreed, after all, and I can’t leave it as it is.
I thought. Understands that I am right.
– Stepfather.
Well, he is the end, comrades, what can I say
– And mom? Where was she?
– I do not have parents . They died in an accident when I was 10 years old. And I live with aunt and her husband, but I call a stepfather, I don’t know why.
Silence. I am silent and I don’t know what to say.
I almost in a whisper
– And often this happens?
Sighs, hacks, unpleasant topic, but I should know if he is worthy to spit with his own blood.
– Doesn’t matter
This girl experiences my patience. I turn on the care and a little affection, I lean more closer, remove her locks by the ears. She blushed, hmm, it’s funny.
– There were a couple of times.
I sigh noisily and get up, I walk around the room.
She looks confused, then he says quietly:
– I have to go home, take it?
So our classes usually ended, but today I will not let her go.
– Marie, no home. You stay with me today.
– No, I can’t, Gabi strokes, but nervous. Poor girl.
– He won’t touch you anymore.
– Sveta, please do not touch him, he shows his head, thinks that he will persuade me, but I am a lamp.
I don’t answer anything, I take an iPhone, I call anyone . I take the phone from Marie, find the number of this freak. The location is pierced immediately, they go to the parking lot. I say briefly
– You know what to do.
I come there after half an hour. Slowly I go up to a lying man, I squat. I say with a threat:
– I will hit her again, I will kill.
I get in the car and go back, I locked Marie at home, so calmer. I think why do I need all this. But I don’t throw empty words. And I do not like it when they offend people like Marie.
Fell asleep.. Curlted with a ball on the couch. Cute. I did not dare to lie on the bed, I do not like arrogant people.
Gabriel sleeps pressing at her feet. Well, the idyll. I grin and sit on the sofa.
– Sveta.. He is even alive?
He looks at me with sleepy eyes, expects an answer with anxiety
– Alive for now. Let’s show me your room.
I have a three -room apartment, but with adjacent rooms. Therefore, in order to get into my bedroom, I will have to go through the guests room.
– But can I in the bathroom? He asks uncertainly. I silently escort her.
– Go nuts..- She has been admiring the bathroom for about 5 minutes. Large, with a mirror ceiling, jacuzzi, shower, everything is as it should.
– I put you a towel and a bathrobe, you can wash.
I go out, I’m going to smoke on the balcony. A hard evening makes itself felt. I want to relax, not think about what I am doing and why.
I don’t wait until she leaves the bath and fall asleep.
Changes
I open my eyes, got enough sleep. Everything would be fine, but I feel smell, it smells delicious. I don’t think Gabriel is preparing in my kitchen. I have no cooks and was not, although I thought about it more than once.
I trudge into the kitchen and freeze: Marie, with a bundle on my head, in a bathrobe, stands by the stove and cooks pancakes. I don’t know how to react, but I like this picture. You feel some kind of comfort. Gabi sits at her feet and watches. I pushing my chair sit down.
– Oh, good morning, – Marie turned and looks at me a little with excitement
– Kind. You surprise me more and more.
Laugh, she laughs. Why? Looks over my head. Damn, I am always shaggy in the morning and looks like a hedgehog.
– You have an interesting hairstyle, speaks with irony but not evil, puts a plate with pancakes on the table. Sits opposite me.
I get sour cream from the refrigerator, condensed milk. Usually my breakfast is a sandwich and tea, and I’m a little unusual.
– You don’t like pancakes?
He looks at me with sadness, but I understand that she is terribly not suitable for this sadness in her eyes
– No, I just didn’t get used to someone to cook me.
We begin to eat, silently and in silence. Tasty, I love pancakes
– Very tasty- praise her work
– And you alone live?
And what is not noticeable? Or she thinks that mom comes from work late in the evening, so she did not see her.
– Yes, I’m trying to understand why she asks, probably just so that there was no stupid silence
– And you are not bored?
She kills me. Laughing, she is confused
– No, just right, my mother gave me an apartment a year ago, and she moved to a cottage with her hahal.
– You are lucky. He lowers her eyes, I understand that she does not want to live where she lives, that she suffered from this reptile. And then I realized what changed my life forever. I can’t let her go there, I don’t want. Why should I conclude another contract ? Let him cook, removes me, and lives here, getting all the amenities. Gabriel likes her, and I will no longer be afraid to leave him alone. There is one thing of course, I have a complex character.
– Why your name is a lamp? In a quiet voice distracts me, chews the pancake.
– I don’t know, they came up with the nickname spontaneously, probably because I am forever.
Smiles. I feel good with her, only this bruise on her face interferes with her. She is so thin, as if he doesn’t eat at all.
– Marie, I have one more offer to you.
She strained, she is interested in what I will say, she does not know me at all and despite the defense, she is a little afraid of me.
– You have no normal house, no normal family as I understand it.
Sighs, I probably started
– I suggest you live with me, in comfortable conditions and getting a calm life.
She is in shock. Watching a couple of seconds open eyes. It decides to finally ask:
– What do you want in return? She is scared . Yes, you know her only a couple of weeks and settled in yourself, smart.
– Everything is simple, you clean, cook and help me with studies. This academic year is not over. Waving my hands, behave confidently . She seemed to relax
– I don’t even know, unexpectedly like that.
– Oh yes, Kat protection is also your advantage.
Smiles. She is pleasant to this security and in general I think she likes everything here. Thinking.
– You think, and I’m in the shower for now.
I leave it in the kitchen .
Water refreshes and puts thoughts in order . I understand that maybe I hastened, in a quiet whirlpool the devils are found as they say. You never know what disadvantages she has. But I always do what I want. Moreover, I will now have homemade food and I don’t have to get out anymore.
Paradox
I am also sitting on a chair, in the kitchen of Sveta and I think. I got into a fairy tale? I am offered to live in a gorgeous apartment for cleaning. And with such a pretty cat, he likes it so that I can’t stop caressing him. On the one hand I am glad, because I do not want to see my stepfather’s face, he is disgusted to me. And I can’t rent a room for my salary. I can’t understand why this is the light. She is honestly alarming me, but many are afraid of her. Maybe she is generally worse than Kat. But her protection.. damn what to do. I hear steps, Sveta comes in, wiping his head with a towel.
– Well, you have already decided?
– Yes
– This is the answer?
– No
Laugh, I’m getting confused and carry nonsense
– Sveta, why are they afraid of you?
She rolls her eyes and answers with a grin.
– Ask my stepfather, he will explain. Although according to his broken mug will be clear.
I am silent, she loves to show off, has the right . The thought of the stepfather gives another bonus to my decision.
– I accept your proposal, lamp. I try to say how officially.
– Then listen to me carefully. There are rules that you must observe.
Oh, how complicated everything is.
– The most important thing is to not bring anyone, never. The second is not to get me with the questions where I am and with whom I am. Third, I come when I want, even if at three in the morning. Next, do not go into my room without permission. In principle, that’s all. Well, cleanliness and a flash in the house are already clear to you. Have questions?
– Uh..no.. I am surprised, but this is her house and she is right .
– Then let’s go for things.
Sunday today, so stepfather and aunt at home. Sveta did not let me go home alone, we went together. Aunt comes out of the kitchen
– This is because of you, because of you he was beaten yes? Screaming, ashamed in front of Sveta.
I don’t answer anything, I go to the room, I quickly throw things into the bag, I can’t pick up everything, I want to leave from here as soon as possible.
Sveta comes in, examines, why..
– I have a modest dwelling, I say quietly, trying to smile
– And this is who, your guard? Yes, aunt is furious
– It is possible, so to speak, the light answers with an arrogant tone and the aunt leaves. I stand behind Sveta and holding back tears, I probably look sorry. Sveta closes the door, comes up to me as a chin
– Hey, still good. Tries to reassure me because I tremble.
After forty minutes, we are already going back, the light is concentrated about something. I’m calm and good, I feel safe. At this moment, the thought appears that if it weren’t for Kat, I would have been so lucky.
I laugh out loud.
Sveta is breaking up, not understanding that I am laughing, he probably thinks what is hysterical.
– Everything is fine?
I nod, embarrassed, her care is still unusual .
Finally arrived. I stand in the hallway like at the station. I am embarrassed to ask where to decompose them
– May that room be yours. We take packages, go into the room.
Here I spent the night, and I was comfortable.
As for an hour I lay out things, I do everything carefully.
Sveta does not interfere, speaks to someone by phone in the living room. A lot of thoughts are in my head, I’m confused and I don’t know if I do everything right. In any case, because if suddenly I don’t like something, I can leave because. Only how to say to Masha? She knows about the lamp and does not admit her. All university is afraid of both Kat and her, but I don’t know why. Am I afraid of Sveta? Yes and no. How many paradoxes.
– You definitely have no questions for me?
I didn’t even notice how she entered. I have a lot of questions, but I don’t want to ask them now. Now I want to tell her about my request. But Sveta interrupts my thoughts:
– Well, no, then I went. Feel at home and this is not just a banal phrase .
Okay, then I will say. All the same, she herself will notice…
Lovely devils
I did not expect that she would agree so fast. Apparently, the girl is so tired of these people that she grabbed the opportunity to live with me. Live with a lamp that is used to doing what it wants and demand from people everything that wants. Why not? My egoism is quite conditioned, in my 21 I have a car, an apartment and the future place of the director of the company where my mother was successfully realized. In the meantime, I come there a couple of times a week and I am putting me up and sometimes I even stayed for my mother and managed. I like this business.
Already evening and on the way I bought in a supermarket of products. I catch myself thinking what I want home, I really want, and I wonder how she is there, she is comfortable or not.
In the hallway they meet me, and Gaby and Marie. Unusual, but also pleasant at the same time.
– I prepared to eat, with a smile and a little with satisfied notes in my voice as if reporting
– Well done, I hope you won’t poke
She was confused for a moment, but still realized that I was joking.
My hands, I go to the kitchen. In surprise, I freeze on the spot. Salads, borsch, second and, as I understand it, some kind of buns for dessert.
But I quickly pick up myself in my hands, pretend that I am used to such dinner and sit down.
– You love to cook so much?
– Yes, since 13 years old, and I can’t tie it.
The conversation is not quite glued, all the same, some excitement is felt, it is still unusual for a new situation. Having chatted a little more about the weather and something else, I go to my room, thanking for a delicious dinner. Why does she often lower her eyes?
A little later, I find her on the couch in the living room in front of the TV, I sit down next . I notice that she switches the news
– Do not like the world of politics?
– Yes, they constantly talk about bad, killing, falling aircraft. This is annoying
She is right, I want to ask about an accident but I understand that it is better not to. But my egoism wins
– Tell me about the accident.
It turned out rude, although I wanted to ask for a neutral voice.
– I was in the car, with them..
Damn, I hate myself for curiosity
– Dad was not to blame, they crashed into us. He was justified later, he was rich and paid a lot of money.
Sobs, probably crying, but I want to know.
– I lost consciousness woke up in the hospital, they told me there. I still have photos, and for six months I looked at them every day and cried.
Pause, I need to stop it, I do not want to cry with me.
– Everything, do not tell, do not need Marie.
– Svet, why is it like it seems that everything is possible?
The girl apparently wanted justice and now she is offended.
– Because when there is a lot of money, then there are great opportunities.
Sveta, what kind of nonsense. I could say more beautifully.
I notice her gaze with some kind of easy bitterness. Life to her is clearly unfair.
– In this life, everything is unfair. When I go and see abandoned dogs or cats, I am ashamed in front of them, I am ashamed that I can’t take them to me, I am ashamed that there are no shelters for them. I sometimes feed such sausages or bread. Sveta, what is funny?
I can’t, this girl is a find and very strange. I laugh almost to tears. Gabriel in the topic of of course jumps to us and requires affection.
– You just say such things, I have never heard of anyone like that.
She strokes Gabi and thought about something.
– Yes, you’re right, to be kind in our time is funny.
Eh, she is all the same, kindness will give little. I look at her and I understand that in a quiet whirlpool is cute devils.
I wonder how she will still surprise me. But how will the surprise will not be pleasant.
After we drink tea in complete silence, for she closed in herself and now he will even smile, I sit down on the sofa again.
We sit again in front of the telecom, some detective began and we are silently watching. I don’t notice that she closed her eyes and grabbed her head. Hmm, she rushed so much into the memories of the accident?
– Everything is fine? I moved closer to her, I do not want to seem intrusive and I say quietly
– Marie, what are you?
She sits with her eyes closed, as if she was painful. I don’t understand anything.
– It’s just a headache, everything is fine.
Pauses, sighs.
I get up and go after the citimon
I hold out a glass of her, she drinks and smiles
– Sveta, thanks, but not help. I have it every night. I wanted to tell you, but I was looking for the right moment.
I can’t look at her. I don’t want to regret anyone. Pause, and continues in a quieter voice
– So you can still change your mind about me, because I just lie at such moments and I need silence. If you are not ready for this, I will not be offended.
I don’t understand how to behave, I don’t understand what to say. I will not drive her out of migraine
– Marie, I know good doctors..
– No!
Interrupting me, interrupting me loudly. Why?
She swallows, tries to calm down
– I have a migraine and this is for a long time. This happens in many.
Okay, these are her problems. I don’t get attached to anyone, I don’t care about anyone and I don’t want to change anything.
– I’ll go lie down, gets up slowly, and goes into the room. Gaby behind her. Little traitor. They get along very well and it amuses me.
Jealousy
Couples pass quickly, I like to study and I have a good mood. After all, I have been living with Sveta for three days, and no one is offending me. I do not want to remember the stepfather, even think about their family is sickening.
But Masha called for her in a very displeased voice today. Who could tell her about my move? These days were so rich and I never found time.
We go to her on foot, her apartment is not far. In a hurry and I hurry automatically, almost switching to running.
She is always comfortable and calm. I used to find a refuge here, at least for a couple of hours. We have been sitting indecently for a long time in silence.
Masha looks at me and angrily interferes with sugar already in cooled tea. I know what she will ask, I’m ready. What I did is like the act of the fool, well, or worse.
– This is true? You live by the lamp?
I lower my eyes.. I always do this when I get into an awkward situation, I hate this gesture, which has become a habit. I answer quietly:
– Yes.
– Why didn’t you tell me? Tries to calmly conduct a conversation but she does not succeed and goes to scream
– You understand that she is dangerous?!
– Masha, I’m safe with her, this is what I understand.
Masha laughs, but this is nervous, I’m sure.
– People like she do nothing just Marie.
I understand that she is right. I’m trying to convince her that my cleaning and help in study is a residence fee.
– If not so naive, with her dough she can start servants and tutor!
I didn’t think about it. But I don’t want to argue and swear too.
– Mashul, well, stop waking up
I gently switch to a warm tone, I want to joke:
– Or you are jealous?
I look at her with a smile, she laughed briefly
– Maybe jealous.
– I do not go anywhere from you, do not worry.
The conversation is no longer negativity. We make new tea and I tell her about my novel.
– She has such a cat, such a Milah, Briton, chubby.
– And the lamp ?
I didn’t quite understand her
– What a lamp?
Masha is again displeased, but I see that this is just friendly jealousy.
– The lamp is unsympathetic to you?
Funny. I almost choked on tea, it already amuses me.
– I don’t know, I’m not a guy
Masha grinning, apparently her answer did not convince her
– I’m afraid anyway. You never know what she thinks about.
I sigh, I don’t know what’s at the head of the lamp. As long as we have everything as usual, I cook and get out, I communicate little with it . She loves to disappear in some clubs at night. Maybe come drunk. At such moments, I am leaving for myself, I do not like drunk people, because of my stepfather.
He left a mark on my psyche, maybe that’s why I am so pleased to get safety?
Another devil
Mmmm..How Boshka Boshka hurts. There was no need to drink so much yesterday. Marie is preparing breakfast again, judging by the smells. For some reason, she avoids me when I come drunk. I am afraid that I will pester? Ahah, I have not been drunk until this level and I will not.
Silently take out a mineral water from the refrigerator. I feel like I was born again. Marie looks at me condemned, but is silent. He lowers his eyes below and smiles. Damn, I’m in shorts and a T -shirt.
– Um, I’m not used to it that not one lives.
– Come on, all your.
I really liked this phrase. Settled some warmth in the soul. Removeed awkwardness.
All the same, she is amazing. I am generally good and calm with her. Almost a week has passed and everything is happy with me. She is quiet, does not impurge, does not get me with questions. Everyone has agreed. The only thing that bothers me is that I do not see her minuses yet. Well, a person cannot be perfect. There should be something to enrage me.
This Saturday the couples were canceled, we loomed all day. Autumn already completely makes itself felt, behind the window slush and unpleasant damp. In such weather, I don’t want to go anywhere. In such weather, home comfort is better felt.
In the evening, as if by tradition we are talking about all kinds of nonsense.
We look at the insurgent, the moment where they catch saboteurs and kill those who are weaker.
– That’s right, in life also. The weak must die
Marie looks at me as an alien
– What? Sveta, but it’s wrong. The weak also want to live.
Hmm, she sometimes mixes me.
– Marie, this theory is true. Natural selection, so to speak. Why are sick to the world, disabled? There is no benefit from them.
Did I say something wrong? Squinting, breathing heavily..I started crying.
– Marie.. Do not scare like that.
The girl is completely bad, cries and laughs at the same time. Hysterics? I don’t like her at the moment, looks like a psychopath. I shake her, trying to shout to her, she scares me, lies on her back and laughs. Can give her a slap in the face? But she abruptly shuts up, gets up, does not look at me and says:
– Yes, you’re right, lamp.
Slightly staggering, goes to the kitchen, puts a kettle.
But I will not pretend that there was nothing. I don’t need hysteria at home. Tomorrow I will take her to a psychologist, if she does not have everything in order with the psyche, then she has nothing to do here.
Be strong
I shouldn’t have lost my temper. How embarrassing now. Tea will not help, trying to get distracted. But how painful and insulting. Natural selection, well, well… I smile, look from the window to the yard, at the trees. I also want to live…Tears are torn again, restraining, trying to warm my fingers on the cup, I try to understand the lamp, if I knew if I knew..I would know that I had to live for half a year. But I must be strong, no one knows about it and why. Maybe I’m really not useful to this world. Maybe so right.
– Yes, tomorrow at 2 hours, goodbye.
I hear how Sveta agreed with a psychologist. I am not offended, no, but ashamed. But I can’t tell the truth. And I don’t want to a psychologist.
– Marie, tomorrow..
– I understand, but no – interrupting her
– Don’t dare to interrupt me! Sveta screams for the first time.
I sigh, lower my eyes, I feel how she came up
– Get up.
Orders. I get up, I breathe heavily. I am offended and uneasy. I feel her fingers on my cheeks. Squeezes, makes you raise your head. She is above me, so I lift my head and look into her eyes. I blink, drops flow down the cheeks. I don’t want to see her reaction.
– Listen to me carefully. You are in my house. While you are here, you obey me. I’ll tell you shoes, bring me, I will tell you dance! I will say throw it off the window, throw it away! You understood?
Cold tone, evil eyes. Finally I saw a lamp. That’s what she is.
– And yet,- continues calmly,- to say no “you will be your boyfriend or Masha, and you must always answer me” yes “. It’s clear?
I barely barely give out quietly – yes.
– I can not hear.
Damn, what was she pestering to me.
– Yes, I am already louder .
– Good girl
I want to say thank you, but swallow in time.
Still holding my face, squeezing the cheekbones, leaned even closer. Looks at me, I feel like in a zoo, only now they study me. I don’t understand that she holds me, but I’m afraid to ask, I’m afraid to breathe at all..
Smiles, letting go.
– Make me tea.
Steal the guilt
I don’t know what found on me. This girl became infuriated for the first time. I smoke in the car while we are going to the meeting. She is even afraid to look at me. But she should know her place and know who she lives with. Everything will always be mine. Coughing .
– Marie, if you don’t like it when I smoke nearby and I could say.
– I am right?
In a hoarse voice, but I noticed a grudge. I gave her protection, and scared it myself. I grunt to myself. Yesterday she looked at me like a frightened animal that I involuntarily admired. I admired indecently for a long time. I’m afraid to admit to myself that I am drawn to her, that I am pleased with her presence and that I do not want to be a monster in front of her. But I am chasing these thoughts, throwing a cigarette. Still, I stop at the soupmarket.
– I quickly.
I walk by the shelves, take a bottle of water, she loves the carbonated.
I get in the car, give her water. Looks at me
– Drink
Again by order, differently, apparently I can’t. I am angry with myself .
In the office calmly, you can hear how the psychologist writes something. I agreed on my presence, you never know to agree on a positive result.
He asks her banal questions, such as a hobby, what is your favorite movie and the like. I am sitting from behind on the sofa, Marie to me with my back.
– You have erotic fantasies?
OPA, this question is interesting. I restrain laughter. Marie tensed, I see how she was jerking off. I think she will answer no.
– Eat.
Well, I didn’t expect . I want to laugh, I barely restrain myself.
– You should not be shy about this, everyone has them, and this is normal.
The psychologist calmly explains, I hope he will not ask what she fantasizes, otherwise I will laugh and die right here.
– How often you allow your thoughts to switch to this level?
Marie sighs, she is shy, and she is embarrassed
– Once a week? Or a month?
– A couple of times a week, depending on mood.
She is always so honest? Everything, I laugh and I do not care.
– Svetlana, don’t interfere.
– All all, continue
Fortunately, he goes to other issues
– You miss your parents?
But now I’m not funny..
– Yes, very, I would give everything to be alive.
I understand that it is hard for her and I understand that I am a bastard.
– The girl who sits behind causes hatred or something negative?
Oh well, no need.
– No. I hate only one person, guardian.
I sigh..For some reason I am ashamed.
– Enough, you can be free, you are fine.
Well, finally, cheers.
As luck would have it, got into the cork. It takes me out. Marie hits somewhere in the clouds.
– I thought you were a shy . I want to pin it a little and make fun of it.
Smiles, embarrassed, I like it in her
– As the psychologist said, this is normal, then you also have this too.
Pff..He wants to annoy me? Or she is interested?
– Yes, I’m generally a pervert still.
She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. I smile, I want to smoke, but I hear her timid
– Don’t smoke, please.
I lowered my head, I’m rushing about the choice. But I make a decision in favor of her. I put back in a pack. We go silently. Why is life so cruel to her? The death of parents, unsuccessful guardians. Kat with his show .Now I’m with my rules. I feel guilty for yesterday, but I don’t want to think that I’m wrong. I have my own principles, and I will not cross them through them. But I want to make her pleasant. Tension kills and I also want to relax.
– You love rolls?
Part 2
Contradiction
Sveta is well developed patience. We have been sitting at the table for 20 minutes and ..No, do not eat rolls.
– Marie, look, it’s not difficult
Again slightly concerns my fingers, tries to direct my movements. Well, I can’t make friends with these sticks.
– I feel you have to feed you. The light is funny, she really laughs and is not strange not angry.
– Svetik, maybe we’ll better ask the fork?
Something I got too relaxed. Sveta changed in the face, apparently she was not used to such tendernesses. I’m trying to pretend to be interested in rolls.
Sveta is leaning back on its back, red sofas go perfectly with the interior of the restaurant, waiters run in Japanese clothing. Only I do not fit into this place, because I am dressed in inconsistent and not quite comfortable for me.
– Marie, I will die of hunger now and you will be to blame.
– Look, now I will succeed.
How can I carefully capture the roll, I try not to drop it, and finally I chew it with a victorious feeling.
– Hurray, I’m impressed, bravo.
Light flies slightly with his palms. And then I remember Kat. About how she grabbed my hair and pressed me against the wall, and how I poured juice on it. But I do not want to spoil this evening, I do not want to remember the people who caused me evil.
– What are you thinking about?
Sveta looks at me anxiously and is close again. I clearly see her green eyes, which sometimes acquire a arrogant ottten. But now they only have interest in them .
– Why did you stand up for me then, in the toilet?
Well, again she looks with arrogance, but it suits her .
– Marie, not because I felt sorry for you.
The restaurant has calm music, I would even say romantic, and they usually have a relaxed talk about anything, and do not score my head as I am with questions. Light chews roll, then continues.
– It sounds rude, but I use people. And then..Then I used you to stop her, I could not deny myself such pleasure. I know very well that she likes you…
Here I am embarrassed, very . I lower my eyes, in vain I started this topic. Sveta speaks very quietly, at a very close distance.
– If you were smarter, I would notice how she looks at you.
I do not look away, I pretend that I am not confused. And then I want to ask, but only I open my mouth, the light interrupts:
– You can not bathe about me. Even if I was in this part, you would be the last who I would be interested in.
For some reason I am a little offensive here. And I want to look at the reaction of the lamp to what I will say.
– Similarly, the easier with a cunning squint, I drill her .
Sveta smiles, pierces the roll, twists a wand . She worries?
– Eat, otherwise you are already thin, not even to touch.
Oo, how evil we are. If she doesn’t care about everyone, then why does she react so much to my opinion.
– I can’t get better, Sveta.
Damn, why did she touch on the topic, so painful for me. My disease is not to be treated, and it makes no sense to fight her.
– Marie, what are you again? I have never met such mysterious people like you.
So, you can’t cry, you can’t. I decide to switch to another topic.,But I say quietly:
– I’m thirsty
Light quickly clicks with fingers, just as quickly bring juice. I am embarrassed, because she took all the costs of herself and did not even want to listen about my participation in the financial sector.
We got home late in the evening, and my head began to hurt again. Tablets sometimes help, but this is not enough.
– You will reach the bed?
So, the main thing is not to fall, this also happens, but rarely. The farther, the worse, and I do not believe that the operation will take place with the result in my favor. Lying in bed, caressing Gaby’s ear, I remembered the doctor’s words: Chances 50 to 50…
Well, I have already come to terms and there is no point in hope.
Artist
On a couple, my thoughts are not at all studies. Yesterday’s conversation was too frank, and I was not ready for him. And I no longer expected to hear from her this stupid “similar”. So, stop. What is the case of her attitude towards me? The only feeling that she should experience this fear for me. Well, thanks. A little.
I smoke before getting into the car, it is cold and soon it will begin to rain. But Kat distracts me:
– Tell me honestly, you sleep with her?
Pfff.. Kat that really fell in love? Of course I was not sure, but now…
– I heard that she lives with you. We may agree on a lamp? You give me a girl, and I ..Well, desire for you.
The wind hits the face, throw a cigarette, I try to hold myself in my hands.
– Cupid apparently made a mistake of Kat when he shot at you with an arrow of love. I don’t need anything from you, and leave her alone.
Kat get angry, smokes, I don’t want to see her, I don’t want to communicate. She sees this, turns around and stomps to her group.
I’m going home evil, not knowing why. I can’t understand why I took responsibility for a person whom I don’t know.
Today she came before me. But I see something either in the hallway or in the living room.
I go a little further into the kitchen
– Sveta, you have already come? Trying to hide behind his back.
I do not like surprises
– What is there?
I am not in the spirit, and it is better for her not to angry me.
– Svetik, this is my personal.
– Marie, while you are here, you have no secrets. I have to know everything about the person with whom I divide my house.
I’m trying not to scream, but too strong tension. Silent, hands are reduced behind him, something clings .
– I can’t..
Looks imploringly, as if guilty of something. Well, that’s it.
– Guess who I talked with today..
I get closer
– With Kat..
I’m still taking a step, it is pressed to the table
– Offers to give you to her for any of my desires. I wonder how you hooked it so?!
I come even closer, grab it again by the cheekbones, look brazenly, I say almost in a whisper
– I can change my mind. I want to say what she will do with you? Or can show?
Afraid, squinting, at this moment I forget about pity, wins the excitement and desire to subjugate it to myself. But we need to control myself, so I decide to let it go, as I hear rustle and a bunch of sheets on the floor.
I squat down and..So I remain to sit. Drawings, beautiful, pencil, especially this one, where the dragon and girl are fantastically beautiful. I do not take my eyes off the picture, I get up.
– You draw?
– Yes sometimes
– Cool
I praise, I notice that she is still scared, but she is curious my opinion. Still stands in the same place, eyes run, have not moved away from my pressure .Well done, Sveta.
– Okay, take it. I really liked it.
I hold her work, I sit on a chair. I want to say something like sorry, but I can’t. I can’t.
– My stepfather called me today
– What does he need?
– I don’t know, he said that he realized everything and asks to return.
Yeah, realized.
– But I don’t believe him.
I do not interrupt, let it say.
– Svetik, I’m tired of being afraid of people. You sometimes scare me and resemble my stepfather and kat. And I don’t want to compare you with them because you…
Hesitated, but I can’t budge. I haven’t been so worried for a long time, it’s hot, very hot.
– Because I trust you.
One zero, in her favor. Bravo. I’m defeated, I’m shocked. They trust me. They believe me. But I still won’t show her that I am surprised. I won’t show you how pleasant I am.
– Why didn’t you want to show me? I nod on the sheets
– I was shy, you never know, smiles, again hides hair by the ears. And again I scold myself for looking. She has a beautiful face, with cute features and .. Svet, enough, enough. We must smoke.
After the shower, risk still ask her about something . I don’t think she fell asleep so fast.
I go to the bed, carefully sit on the edge. Lies on the back, hair is spread, hands too. I touch her hand quietly. She sits sharply, looks with anxiety at me. I smile, try to say as much as possible as possible
– I just had a thought. In general.. You will draw me?
– You woke me up only because of this? Right now?
Raises the eyebrows, looks at me in surprise.
– Well, of course not. When you yourself want.
– I promise, I’ll wait only for inspiration .
– Good night
– Sweet Dreams to you too.
I get up quickly, I don’t want to notice that I am unpleasant for her wish. Because already like 2 years I have been tormented by nightmares.
The worst drawback
Oddly enough, already like a month I live with Marie and she is still alive. I constantly looked at her, I want to find at least some kind of drawback, but I never saw anything negative. Soon I understand that I would not see better.
– Svetik, I really by chance, forgive.
Running into the room, I am behind her. She burned my blouse. I will kill her.
I slowly get to her, there is no face on her, trembles and does not know where to put himself.
– I don’t understand, you like to spoil my things so much?
I’m breaking away, I’m furious.
– Come here
I grab her for the elbow, pull on myself
– What you were distracted when stroked?
– They called me..
Oo, I found an excuse
– And who is your girlfriend beloved yes? She is too worried about you, explain to her finally that you will not be raped here and not beat!
Masha or how she often takes out SMS and calls, and as I understood she is afraid that I am the harm of Marie.
It began to enrage me a lot.
I let her go, I step back a little and try to speak clearly and slowly:
– I hate inattention in people. Do you hear me?
Nods.
– I hate stupidity even worse. You could come up with a normal excuse, so that I would not be angry.
Laugh, sit in a chair
– But you are honest with us and tell the truth. Knowing what your Masha infuriates me. Your honesty has currently passed into stupidity. You are not cunning, and do not know how to get out. I have no dealing with such people.
– Then I can leave?
A good question, but I still need it, soon a session.
– No. You have nowhere to go
– This is concern?
I said too much, now there is nowhere to go.
– Yes
Okay, let it think that yes how. I answered the question. Gabriel came to our screams, Marie immediately picks him up and hugs him, probably to get distracted.
– Why are you so rude?
Hmm, she took me by surprise
– You think I can’t be gentle?
A profitable question that kills two birds with one case at once.
– Don’t know. But now I will find out.
Comes up to me, smiles.
– Svetik- seven-color.
– Um…Seven -flower?
I’m surprised, but I can’t suppress a smile. Too tender.
– You do not mind if sometimes I tease you so?
He raised her head, looks cunningly and with curiosity. I’m standing and I don’t know how to react. I let her too close. I understand that she is to blame, but this does not change anything. But anger has already left and I calmed down.
– Nozzle, but with one condition.
Again this is my excitement. I saw pictures in social networks where Marie kisses her friend on the cheek.
– Kiss me, I point my finger at the cheek. Marie watches with misunderstanding, but this situation is funny to me.
– Okay, exhales and reaches for me . Very tender touch of her lips, very pleasant and forcing the pulse to beat more often. Goosebumps run through the body. Sveta, pick yourself together, come on.
Marie pulls away, lowers her head, blushed. At that moment, if I were a guy, I would kiss her on the present. But I’m not a guy. I abruptly leave the room and as usual I go to smoke on the balcony. Finished off the lamp, finished off.
Acquaintance
Doorbell . Light in the soul, and we are not waiting for anyone, I do not understand who could come. The morning began unusual.
– Hello, a woman looks at me in surprise
– Hello, I was confused under such a gaze, she looks like the world, very.
Passes with a proud gait, removes the coat.
– And who are you?
– Um.. I am a friend of Sveta.
Well, what else can I say? Who am I light?
– Ha, friend? She has no friends, I know my daughter.
Well, I guessed correctly. Copy of Sveta, more adult copy.
– Hello Mom.
Sveta comes running into the gesture in the dressing room and is also worried.
– Sveta, I’m of course glad that you make friends, but you didn’t tell me anything.
– And send tea to drink, Marie just made cakes today.
The voltage falls a little in the kitchen, it’s good that her mother likes to chat.
– Marie, tell me about yourself, you can call me Irina by the way.
– I am studying, earnings. I like to cook and read.
Damn, well, who communicates so.
– Mm, in our time, few of the youth are reading, it is commendable. And the cakes are very tasty. You probably can’t sleep, and in the morning you are going to Svetka ?
– Mom, we live together.
Sveta in a tired voice answered me and rolled her eyes. Irina put a cup on a saucer and stared at us with a not very kind look. I seem to understand what she thought about.
– No, you understand it is not so, we do not…,I shake my head, but they interrupt me
– Mom, you understood everything correctly. Sveta takes my hand and smiles. I don’t understand anything why this performance.
– AND ..And for a long time you…,Irina tries to speak calmly, but her voice trembles, smiling a little, she continues:
– ..And for a long time you are together?
I decide not to interfere, because Sveta dumped me slightly under the table. Terribly ashamed.
– Month, you won’t believe moms, love at first sight.
I snort, I want to laugh, but I hold back. Sveta is a romantic.
– Marie, and who your parents work. I want to know about you as much as possible, and by the way, I don’t understand how you tolerate my daughter.
– She does not have mothers, let’s not about it.
Grateful to her for this moment.
– Zay, you will still be a cake?
Oh no, it’s no longer funny. Sveta moved closer to me, and builds loving eyes. I sigh, look at her with anger and purse lips.
– Thank you, I ate.
– Sveta, if you are interested in my opinion, then I am not against your relationship. I am of course in shock, and I still need to get used to it, but I am pleased with the society of this girl. Marie, I was glad to meet, I have to go.
Fuuh, finally. Sveta goes to accompany her, I can’t even move.
I hear a whisper in the hallway, I do not analyze words, my head around. This woman aroused respect, she did not hysteria, but behaved confidently and calmly.
I immediately pounce on the light when she returns:
– What was it ? For what?
– I did everything as it should. My mother always searches for my grooms and introduces them to them, and it got it. Now she thinks that my heart is busy.
Laughs, I would be her mood.
– You used me again.
I said this with resentment, and the light frowned for a moment
– Marie, I have an adequate mother and..
Sveta is distracted by SMS, smiles, shows me the screen of the iPhone:
“Don’t offend her. “
– You like everyone, Marie. Admit, you have some tricks to attract people to yourself?
She came closer, again her fingers on her cheeks, again her gaze, studying and piercing. I am the first to take my eyes off, the light grunts. Lets me go. Leaves to smoke on the balcony. She always does this when an awkward situation arises. Recently, she has been behaving strangely, yesterday she demanded a kiss . Can go into his senses and abruptly become infuriated due to nonsense. I can’t understand her, I can’t explain her attitude towards me. And I do not know the true reason for my presence here.
Measure seven times…
– Sveta, well enough, I’m not a Christmas tree to dress me up.
I drag her by the hand between the rows of beautiful clothes, our hands are already busy with hangers and it’s time to go to measure.
Our shopping amuses me, for Marie is angry and embarrassed, but she has no choice. Today we are going to a cafe where a bunch of my friends, and it should look decent.
– No, it’s not right.
Once again, I force her to return to the fitting room and put on a new test.
– Again not?
I am distracting from the search for something else normal, turn around and.. This is Marie?
A neat white dress, strict, but a little airy from the waist, a red belt with a bow.. Marie looks like a princess, and I allow myself to look around while she spins in front of the mirror
– Svetik Semicelli, I like.
Smiles, sparkles brown eyes. And I’m already heading to the checkout.
– Light, I..
– Consider this a gift from me.
I am sitting opposite her, there are a lot of people in the cafe and noisy. I do not like it. An idea to leave home to see, watch a movie with her. In the last week I even stopped walking around clubs, stopped drinking. I found a way to relax with this girl, just chatting about something . But it scares me. I should not be attached to anyone.
– Sveta, not gribly eyebrows, it doesn’t suit you.
Laughs, she is good with me, like me with her.
Ice cream here is very tasty, and I can eat it almost immediately.
– You got dirty.
Oh, I’m apparently inaccurate, I’m trying to wipe it.
Marie laughs again and sits next to me. The napkin gently wipes the remains, her face is close, and indeed she is close to me. I feel her smell, I always like how she smells. I look at how I examines the corner of my lips at concentration, looks up, meets with my eyes. I look at her as under hypnosis, I can’t force myself to stop this delusional game in peeps. But the waiter brings an account and I am glad for him sincerely for appearing on time. I pretend that there was nothing, Marie apparently also understands this, and sits back.
We communicate on extraneous topics.
– And you believe in aliens?
She amuses me, really.
– Marie, I will say more, one of them lives with me.
She’s funny, I like that she likes my jokes.
– Well, thank you, I didn’t know that I’m terrible.
– No, you’re beautiful.
Damn damn pancake.
She is unpleasant? She is sad again.
– Did I say something wrong?
Smiles, hides his eyes.
– I’m just not used to compliments.
– You never had a guy?
– There was one, if it can be called.
I don’t want to continue the topic, I see that she is unpleasant. The fool was her boyfriend.
Learning -light
– Marie, you are going to rob the library?
I can’t find what I’m looking for for half an hour and tortured the light. Exams are soon and I want to prepare properly. Sighing light walks with me between the rows of tall stands and shows with all the appearance that she is bored here.
– Svetik, be patient, as they say, the learning is the light, and …
– … not the teaching?
Kat interrupts me, a book in his hand, my head is tilted, looks at us with neglect.
Sveta like a real defender steps forward, thereby closing me from Kat.
– Lamp, you haven’t played up to her yet?
What a vile smile she has.
– Or maybe we have love, only a love triangle does not suit me.
I am silent, clicking on my book. I hope they will not fight.
– You? You are the same selfish lamp like me, you are not familiar with high feelings.
– If you want to make sure? I can kiss her right now and break your heart, so to speak, ahah.
Oh, that their conversation passed in a completely different direction.
Kat opens his mouth in amazement, glances at me, then in the light. Puts the book on the shelf, crosses his hands.
– Let’s.
No no, I am fifting back, Sveta is sharply brewing towards me, everything is so fast, I don’t even have time to say anything
– Light..,I can not finish, because Sveta is glanced by fingers in my hair and kisses, holding my head tightly. Too passionate, too frankly. And damn it is nice. At first I rush weakly, the book falls from my hands, try to push it away, but it presses it even more to itself. I relax, touch her shoulders, let her deepen the kiss. I tenderly answer, I do not have time for its speed, I suffocate, but I do not want to stop . I hear steps and cotton to the door, Kat apparently left, unable to withstand such a show. And we continue, forgetting about everything. Now they kiss me slowly, gently, slightly bite my lips. Damn, what does she do, I even want to moan. I have never experienced this, never with anyone.
We are sharply pushed away from each other. We look at each other with crazy eyes, and I finally realize that it was wrong, that it was impossible for her to do this. I begin to be angry with her, on myself, and on our stupid kiss.
– You’re crazy! I scream at her, do not care what we are in the library.
– Having catch your breath first.
Grin, impudent look. She is clearly happy with herself.
In a couple of minutes we are already driving in a car, in stupid silence and everyone thinks about his.
You will order your heart
I can’t stay on the balcony forever. Pollen tremble, smoke, swallow nervously, tremble, but not from the cold, although already the beginning of December. I kissed her. I drag on, I release smoke. I kissed as if I were giving my soul, I was too carried away. What is happening to me. I liked it, I really liked it, I lost my composure. Well, no, no! The lamp always controls itself, always. To hell with everything where it came from. Rub my eyes, look down. I have to make a decision, I must. I have no feelings, just a game of hormones and that’s it. I try to convince myself of my own conclusions, I laugh. So it’s not far to the psychiatric hospital. I smoke, she drinks tea. I wonder what she thinks about. Was she disgusted with her. But judging by her sighs and blurred eyes, she was very good. I hate Kat what she did in the middle of the world of knowledge. I have to decide what to do. They say you can’t order the heart. And I will order.
I take myself in my hands, go to the kitchen. Marie sits, warm his hands on the cup, glances at me from underneath. Sulking me, hmm, funny.
Leaning my hands on the table, I tilt my head below. Raises his head, looks at me .
– I’m wondering, you are angry because I kissed you? I pause, lowering my voice almost to a whisper
-…or because we did not continue? Then I look a little with impudence and smile.
– Why are you angry?
– I was the first to ask a question. And by the way, you don’t know how to kiss.
I straighten up, open the refrigerator, close it . Smart.
– Well, yes, where do I need such a master of kisses!
Ohh how I like her appearance when she is angry. Standing, hands rest on the sides.
– Yes, I just warmed up!
I scream at her, nerves at the limit. I get my head, I go here in the kitchen here.
– Yes, you just know how to throw show!
Well, that’s it, that was an insult. Give a shit for everything, I will show her show -off.
I go up to her, grab with one hand by the head, with the other hand, attract to me, I dig into her lips. I don’t want to think that this is wrong, I don’t want to think about anything at all. I want and all. I want her lips, I want her, I want to feel her cling to me. I release her hair, grab her hips abruptly, she does not resist, put her on the table, become between her legs. Exciting pose, very. Thursing each other, put my hand on my back of my head, how nice. I allow myself to stroke her stomach, back, I want to go down a little below.
– No, enough.
Abruptly repels me, I staggered. We breathe heavily. Silent. I decide to go out the winner
– I hope there is no more doubt about my abilities?!
Get smirbated, I get a lamp again.
– I’m going to sleep .
Almost running into the room. I sit down, grab my head and want to fight her on the table. What am I doing? Why is it so drawn to her? You need to do something, you need to urgently change something.
A curtain
There are still advantages from this girl. She has already pretended to be nothing, and therefore at home a calm atmosphere is again and we do not raise this topic. I began to notice that I have not dreamed of nightmares for two weeks, and I have a great sleep. But it does not change anything and my plan should come true. I don’t specifically spend time with her, I communicate briefly, no gatherings even for tea. How much more she will endure? I want to finish everything as soon as possible.
I leave the balcony and they immediately intercept me
– Svetik what is happening?
Oh yes, finally. Go.
– And what is wrong?
– Yes, everything is wrong, you avoid me. We don’t even communicate. Why?
So, now the movie will begin tough.
– Why should I spend time with you?
Looks with an incomprehensible look, spreads his hands to the sides
– I thought you are interested in me.
I laugh fake, I boast from her, I squeeze my teeth, breathe in an breath, turn back.
– Pff, Marie, how can it be interesting with you? You have nothing. No family, no at home, no normal work. You don’t even really know how to have fun, just read and drink tea, and watch movies.
No, I can’t look at her. What a bastard I am, I hate myself. Horror and pain froze in her eyes. Trembling, looking around as if looking for support. Slogging.. No, everything is turning away, otherwise I will hug her right now. I am sure that I will cry, she has such. I have?
– Yes, you’re right, lamp.
I hear her quiet voice behind her back. Not a candle, not a seven -color, but a lamp.
– But I thought I have you.
But that was strong. Durochka, why say so.. I’m leaving for the balcony, sharply close the door.
I should not succumb to the impulse of feelings, no no. I firmly decided to push her away from myself as far as possible. So it is necessary. That’s right. And so difficult.
– Sveta..
She went to the balcony, never happened. Fingers tremble, everything is trembling, it seems that it has become even colder.
– Thanks for sheltering and defending. For the fact that I at least a little live in such conditions.
Sob, crying.. I hold back, I have to release smoke.
– But I’m leaving.
I hear how the door closes. I have achieved this. Bravo, Sveta. Applause. A curtain.
Understand
– Marie, maybe ketchup?
Masha looks at me with care and does not understand why I spin spaghetti on the fork for so much time.
– Already 5 days have passed, stop thinking about her already.
I stared at one point and I’m too lazy to say something. I can’t help but think, I’m trying to understand the light, trying to understand myself. But is it necessary to understand something at all. After all I am nobody to her.
Out of visiting Masha, I always felt calm, but now even she cannot help. No, I don’t live with her. I returned home, and threatened my stepfather that if he suddenly glances at me, then I will press those offenders . It worked and now he bypasses me. As for Kat, she apparently lost interest in me, the better.
– Let’s go somewhere, I want rolls.
No, I immediately remember how Sveta taught me to eat with sticks, how I smiled at me. I remember the kiss, scene in the kitchen. Damn, why I miss her?
– Um, let’s better pizza.
I smile, come to life, I have to come to my senses.
In the pizzeria comfortable and I forget for a moment about everything that worries me. I notice how Masha looks around with disgust somewhere behind me. I get a little and I see how two girls kiss at the other table. It’s clear.
– It’s horrible. I understand her reaction
– Mash, do not pay attention.
– What is not disgusted to you to observe?
– They are also people, and have the right to feelings.
In vain I started arguing
– Marie, what’s wrong with you? You have changed how you started talking with this lamp. You had something?
– No, of course not, what are you?
I laugh, it turns out not very. I remember again, and so almost a week, infuriates, infuriates.
Bring pizza and we are fortunately distracted by it.
– Mash, I will not go for a couple tomorrow.
She almost dropped pizza. Well, yes, I never walked.
– Why? Think for tomorrow sociology, you will not always let the couples over it.
I don’t even want to argue, I really don’t want to face Sveta. But you have to.
– Guys, as you remember, I gave the task to cook essays. I hope that everyone is ready, because I advise me not to be angry with the session. Let’s start with..
Looks at the magazine, twists a pen.
– Marie, please go through.
No I do not want to. I don’t want to stand there, I want to get out of here at all. But I have to go out.
Everyone is looking at me, everyone. Sveta now throws my eyes at me, then gets into the phone. I would be shooting as soon as possible. My family topic.
– Marie, before you start reading, I want to know your opinion about the family. How do you personally understand this word?
Damn, why exactly I came across this topic?
– The family is a union of two people who mutually want ..I stumble, shudder. But I take myself in my hands, I proudly raise my head,
– who mutually want to spend time together, experience warm feelings for each other…
I see how Sveta tensed, she also recalls me?
– …and which are connected by trust, respect and desire to support each other.
I sigh, calm down. I’m normal.
– Hmm, you are right, the family is a cell of a society that is really based on feelings. Anyone else wants to speak out?
– I have a question.
Kat, well,.
– What about the same -sex unions ? They are entitled to family?
This is how, I wonder what she is achieving?
– This is already a separate topic and now it makes no sense to discuss it, because everyone has their own opinion on this.
– But I am interested in the opinion of the respondent, Kat smiles brazenly.
Everyone looks at me again. I’m blushing, I don’t know how to behave. I hate her that everything will not disappear to her.
I decide to make the light be jealous.
– If this is a hint, then I will think.
Silence for a second, Kat squints cunningly, Sveta sits like on needles and shakes her head, she is angry, very.
Someone began to laugh, someone whistles, everyone liked this scene. But definitely not light.
Already on the street, she takes me by the elbow:
– What, you have become bored to live, a fool?! I have not protected you from her for a month!
– And don’t you give a damn about me?
– No!
I feel, I overdid it. But there are many students around, and she moves away a little further, and already calmly says
– I’m right, you are stupid.
I am silent, I look into her eyes, I see how she lit a cigarette.
– Be careful.
Leaves, abruptly throws a cigarette, sits in his jeep and leaves.
Well, how do I understand it?
Fine
– If this is a lot of it, then I will blow.
I mimic her, Gabriel looks at me, he is the perfect interlocutor.
The chair flies into the wall, the picture falls to the floor. She foolishly? Or decided to annoy me? Well, she succeeded. And in general, I should not be raging, I do not care at all, yes, namely. You think I am unusual for me without her, I just got a little attached to her. Very little. A little…And I don’t miss it at all, no.
– Gabi, don’t look at me like that, I know what you think, I will not return it.
Gaby yawns and lies on the carpet, pulling his legs. I remember how she played with him, how she laughed, how Gaby got confused in her hair. Everything reminds of her, I have what to move? What more.
I fall asleep hard, forcing myself not to think, not to remember, not to get bored. Doing it even worse for yourself, for I understand that you can’t take away from myself.
In the morning I try not to sit in the kitchen for a long time, I eat a sandwich, I do tea. I do not want to catch myself thinking that I miss our breakfasts, from conversations, in her eyes. Well, here again, and so almost a week. Stupid sandpiper, stupid tea. It’s not tasty.
– Hai, Zhenya, collect everyone, we’ll hang out today.
I hope I can relax at least a little.
– For us, for our friendship! Yeees.
We might, drink, eat, someone gets me, we make a selfie. Zhenya is sick in these pictures, the instagram is her drug.
The head is already dizzy a little, the music stunes thoughts, but cannot drown out my pain, my guilt.
– I thought I have you. Her words tear me apart.
Marie, Marie, my girl…So that I drank.
– Send dance.
I jump up, I’m going to the dance floor, my head is spinning, but I’m fine. I will forget, forget everything.
Hypnosis
– She loves with nuts
I hear a familiar voice, with an impudent shade, I go to Masha, she stands with a chocolate and is not very good looking at the light. Well, yes, even in the supermarket, do not insure me to meet with her.
– She will decide that she loves and what is not. Oh yes, Masha attacks.
– Um.. Hello. I look at the light, she looks at me, as under hypnosis. I have not seen her for 10 days and for me it is so much. I do not want to take my eyes off, a friend stands between us and is watching .
– Hello
Dryly, with serious eyes of the light confuses me, she looks too deep. Bruises under the eyes.. She got sick?
– Well, I’ll go.
Smiles, but I see that fake. Retreats to the drinking department, I stand and pretend that I choose chocolate. How painful.
We go along the street, mid -December and I stare how snow flakes fall beautifully.
– Marie, she looked at you like that…
What?
– In terms of?
– Yes, it was like an electric current between you.
Masha stopped, me too. I look at her and frown. Masha smiles, claps his eyes, tries to gently.
– Marie, everyone knows her. And everyone knows that she did not even let anyone close to her house. Rumors rumors, but tell me honestly, you..there was something that I don’t know?
I don’t want to lie, I can’t.
– We..we kissed.
Masha exhales, shakes her head.
– Maybe you should..
– No. I will not put up.
Behave like an offended child, tears covering his eyes. I admit to myself that I’m constantly waiting for her call…
I do not want to think about it, soon the New Year and I need to feel a festive mood. Which I do not have. She is not interested with me and she does not need me.
Confession
The second pack of cigarettes. This is already too much. I drag on, close my eyes.
White hat, dark blue down jacket.. Her black eyes against such a background seem even more beautiful, even more piercing. I was not ready to see her today. My girl, my. I allow myself to call it that, I admit to myself that I have feelings for her, that I miss. I’m tired of prohibiting myself. I was tired of convincing myself that I care about it.
The other day I found her drawings, she apparently forgot them. But one of them turned everything in my mind.
I was drawn on the sheet. She painted me, my portrait. I smile, hold the sheet, look and think that soon, very soon I will correct my mistake.
Morning of this Saturday I meet with vigor, general cleaning, I endure garbage. Gabi looks at me and does not understand anything
– Gabi, we have guests today.
I’m running past him, laughing, my floors, scolding him for interfering under my feet.
I worry, I am very worried, with the speed of light my dishes, I wipe the dust everywhere. I run like stung in the ass, I don’t even get tired, no.
19.40.
I’m sitting in a car, following the time, I am very nervous. She should leave the cafe in 20.00. It’s good that I met her a couple of times from work, otherwise I would not know where to go.
19.50.
Or maybe she is a day off today, maybe she got sick or.. So, enough light is nervous.
19.55.
Blin. If the steering wheel could speak, he would have switched me in full, because I squeeze it too much.
20.00.
I exhale..trace behind the door, she should go out soon. It’s hard to breathe, I want too much to her, I want her too much for her to forgive me. Well, Marie, where are you?
20.06.
I’m calm, yes, I’m completely calm. Can smoke? No, she doesn’t like it when they smoke. I cover my eyes, open and…All .
Finally. Here she is, in a white hat, takes off her gloves, and something is gaining on the phone. I get out of the car, I go slowly, as if everything froze. She stands sideways to me, but not for long, they call her. She answers something quickly and begins to walk to the subway . So, I speed up a step, I follow her like a maniac. When I am already at a pretty close distance, I dare to call her.
– Marie…
Stops for a couple of seconds, slowly rotates …
We stand opposite each other, people pass by, snowball falls, beautifully, romantic atmosphere.
– How are you?
Well, why exactly with her I am lost and cannot start the conversation normally.
She is at a loss, looks with distrust
– Fine..and you?
– Me too.
So we talked. Looks under his feet, hides a smile. Breathing in a breath, I continue to bear nonsense
– Gabriel missed you.
I looked up at me, closed my eyes. No, don’t be sad, please.
– He was interested with me.
The voice trembles, voiced with resentment and an admixture of pain. Remembers my words, remembers how I offended her? How could I..I take a step forward, shake my head.
– Marie, everything I said, everything is not true, I..
I get down, hide my hands in my pockets,
-…I told this not to you, but to myself, I wanted to deceive myself.
– For what? Looks at me, holds back tears, trembles.
– I’ll explain everything, but let’s not here. Believe me, just believe me.
Shakes his head, sobs.
– Come with me
I come even closer..
– You don’t understand, I can’t..
I’m still taking a step towards her, now we are very close. I lean towards her, touch her cheek slightly.
– Why can not you?
Trembling, crying..I want to hug her, but I’m afraid to frighten her.
– Svetik…
I smile, I missed her so much.
– …natural selection…
I feel how anxiety is born, I freeze. Smiles and cries at the same time.
– …I have three months left.
Closed.
– ..This is not treated, the chances of surgery 50/50 .
– No, no, no no one!
I grab my head, scream, people shy away from me, my eyes are watery, I wind circles around me. Not she, no, I will not allow this, no.
Marie covered her face with her palms, I pull myself together, I finally hug myself, I press it as much as possible.
– You will live, understand? I want it so! I want it so! ,I squeeze even more.
For the first time in 5 years I cry…And the snow continues to fall, people around, trams, but I see nothing, nothing. Only I and she…My girl.
Again a cork. We are already standing for 40 minutes, and I think for 40 minutes what to tell me, but I have to tell me something. I don’t want to lose her, I will fight.
– Marie, I know an excellent clinic, there are the best doctors.
Sits, head is lowered, a hat in his hands, her hair is disheveled. I understand that I need to wait with my recognition, she is already hard, and here I am with my love. I will have time more, the main thing is now her health.
– Thanks Svetik, but I doubt that there is a chance.
I am silent, sigh. I will grab onto any straw, spend a lot of money, if only she would live. If only she smiled…
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